I’m In Love with Women’s-Only Spaces and I Don’t Give a Fuck if you Think That’s Sexist

If you create a women’s-only space, you’re going to get blowback.

Typically this comes in the form of a bruised male ego bleating wildly that they don’t think it’s fair to have women’s only spaces. And what would happen if they made a men’s only space? And that clearly #NotAllMen (insert collective female eye roll here) are like that.

Look, brotato, I’m going to stop you right there because frankly, you’ve already missed the point.

The point of single-gender spaces is not to hurt your feelings. It’s not even about you, which, I know is probably somewhat of a shock, so I’ll say it again: It’s not about you.

These spaces are about women.

These spaces whether online, physical, or emotional offer women a chance to be singularly themselves, without the fear of external judgement, baseless derision, or blatant dismissal. They offer a chance to start a question with “I hope I’m not the only one” and have an outpouring of people tell you, “no, you’re not alone, we hear you!” As a woman who has spent her life working and recreating in male dominated spaces, let me tell you that the first time I posted one of these “not alone” questions the compassionate replies I received almost brought me to tears. It feels insane that we live in a world where I even need to write this out but: it’s really nice to have people treat you with politeful respect.

Note, I chose those last two words exceedingly carefully. While I have been part of women’s groups that have been overwhelmingly kind, thoughtfully funny, and endearingly open I believe these are traits that can be present in almost any group setting. However, I believe it’s politeful respect that sets women’s only spaces apart from the general bedlam.

Women’s only spaces aren’t an eternal love-fest of kumbaya singing, ponytail braiding bliss where we all have a collective pillow fight at the end of the night and then drink wine and cry over “Love Actually.” Women fight with each other, we represent a variety of opinions and cultures and sometimes live on opposite sides of seemingly vast political divides. And yet, we are able to discuss these things with polite respect because we view each other as full complete humans.

In a world where the normal is a white,  western, able bodied, cisgender male, everything else is an other. And frankly, I’m fucking sick of participating in groups where I’m viewed as ‘less than’ purely on the basis of my lady bits.

It’s freeing to talk openly about bleeding through your pants while on your period, complain about getting catcalled on a run again, ask for advice from people who know what you’re going through and above all not having to worry about strangers judging you.  It makes my heart sing to have a question met with an enthusiastic desire to help, instead of a domineering need to prove that you don’t belong here; as I’ve been subject and witness to in numerous mixed-gender groups.

I am openly, unforgivingly in love with women’s only groups. I love them! For the simple reason that in the exclusive presence of women I am treated like the person that I am instead of the gender stereotype I fall under.